A Christmas-Wrapped House, Crypto-Constitution Purchase, & Non-Citizen Voting in NYC

S3E31 Midweek BONUS episode –  Willie Nelson’s Christmas classic, “Pretty Paper” may be the appropriate theme for one house wrapped up in Christmas wrapping. Some techno-nerds dealing in crypto-currency nearly purchased the United States Constitution. Some stupid lawmakers in the Big Apple have voted to let non-Citizens vote in the local city elections. Think this is stupid, wait ’till you hear about these:  50% of Superstitious Fans Wear a Specific Jersey When Their Team Plays;  Dollar Tree Is About to Become Dollar-&-a-Quarter Tree;  Man cited for driving a motorized cooler without a license;  Did You Eat Your Thanksgiving Dinner in the Afternoon Like Ryan Seacrest, or Evening Like Kelly Ripa?;  Men Much More Likely to Not Lift a Finger on Thanksgiving;  AZ Duo Charged With Climbing Sacred Native American Site;  A Woman Stole Money from a Vet Hospital So She Could Feed Slot Machines While Sleeping.  There’s the week’s current events that are given a “stupid spin” plus 7 more awards given to the “Geniuses” with the most stupendous stupidity!

“Brown Friday” For Plumbers, Dog-humping For A FL Man, & Voicemail For Dogs

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If you think surviving “Black Friday” after Thanksgiving is tough, you should be a plumber trying to survive “Brown Friday”! How does a FL Man react when his dog-humping is interrupted? He gets very, very, violent, which you will find out from my Insane FL Nephew, “Pancho Guero”! Researchers have found a way to ease separation anxiety in pets after their owners are brought back into work after months of working from home… Let the dog call you while you’re at work. And the stupidity doesn’t stop there… There are these:  This tree is considered the most dangerous in the world. And it’s in FL;  A Naked AR Man Found Upside Down Behind the Wheel of a Stolen Boat;  Food Vlogger Tells People to Water Down Ketchup to Make It Healthier;  A Lawyer Bragged He Can “Think Like a Criminal”; Got Busted for Drugs;  What is Something Nobody Warns People About Enough When It Comes to Having Kids?;  Wedding Photographer Claims She Can Tell When Marriage Is Doomed From Day 1;  AR Criminal Got Arrested After Making a T-Shirt Bragging About His Crime;  ‘Mike Is A Cheater’ Spray Painted Note Ends Up On The Wrong Car;  ESports Are Now More Popular with Teenage Boys Than Real Sports;  FL Homeowner Face HOA Fines for Putting Christmas Lights up Too Early;  A Drunk Driver Blamed Her Bad Driving on an Egg Roll;  A Car Hit a Bowling Ball…& Then Things Got Stupid;  FL Woman Tried to Escape From Jail…Using the Wire from Her Bra;  A Woman Meant to Take Ibuprofen…But Ate Her AirPod Instead;  Professor says “I Wasn’t Masturbating, I Was Trying Not to Pee”;  Another “Satisfied” Walmart Patron Gets Arrested. Plus our weekly round of “Insane Games” that you can play along with “Pancho”! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/support

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Defecating DoorDash Driver, Free Money on The Freeway, & Grandma Gets the Boot Over a Bad Hotel Review

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A Grandma & her grand-daughter are out of a place to stay when the hotel manager read her lame review online. And after making a delivery, a DoorDash Delivery Driver Dropped her DooDoo. Traffic jams are common in CA but not because of this. Plus, there’s more stupid examples of humanity like these:  A Pair of American Tourists Broke into the Colosseum to Have a Beer;  Parents Sue School District Over Letting Students Change Name, Pronouns Without Parental Consent;  Staring at Screens Too Much Has Caused Half of Us to Skip Work or School/Signs Your Screen Time Is Out of Control;  Your Drunkest Family Member at Holiday Parties Will Be…Your Uncle;  A Cop Tried to Break Up a Bar Fight, & a Woman Bit His Ear Off;  SUV Slams into Home, Impales 2nd Floor with Traffic Sign. And there’s more headline hilarity with the “Insane Week In Review” as well as our weekly winners of the “Genius Awards” for stupendous stupidty! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/support

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Grandma Gone Wild, Dancing With Lions, & Free Sex For The Vaccinated

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If you think you have a wild grandma, wait until you hear about one tequila swigging Granny who confronted the police who later found her swinging from an overpass above I-95. Or the woman who was tossing roses & serenading the big cats in the Bronx Zoo… And if you’re still on the fence about getting vaxed for COVID, Belgium has an incentive from the local cathouses. My Insane FL Nephew will give you the lowdown on that as well as more stupid capers like…  Man Claims He Swapped His Wife’s ‘Aggressive’ Cat for Friendlier Look Alike While She Was Away, & Is Plagued With Guilt 6 Years Later;  A Customer’s Soup Was Too Hot, so She Threw It in the Cashier’s Face;  A Lawyer Was Arrested for Dropping His Pants in a Courthouse;  A Cow Escaped from a Farm, Went Down a Waterslide, & Won Its Freedom;  Over 40% of Kids Think Bacon Comes from…Plants;  A MA funeral home is being sued after a casket broke open during a burial & the body fell out;  Bishop Who Left Clergy for Erotica Writer Accused of Being ‘Possessed’;  Murderer Gets Caught…After He Confessed In a Game of “Truth or Dare”;  Guy Got Busted in Carpool Lane w/Hat & Coat Draped Over Passenger Seat;  A Guy Threatened a TSA Agent, Got Naked, & Yelled “It’s a Free Country”;  Doorbell Camera Records CA Woman Giving Birth On Lawn;  Scientists say sex-crazed tourists are destroying Spanish sand dunes;  A Drunk Driver Blamed Her Bad Driving on an Egg Roll;  New Zealand Woman ‘Held Hostage By A Possum’;  Elon Musk slams Bernie Sanders over billionaire tax debate;  Man charged in scam missed court because he’s dead. Play along with Pancho as he figures out the difference between a “Porn Star or a Weatherman”, a “Steakhouse” or a “Gay Bar”, & other stupid comparisons in our weekly “Insane Game Show”! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/support

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Pop-Tart Butter-Toppers, Doggie-Doo DNA, & The Cambridge Blues Naked Calendar

Summary

S3E28 – Bonus Midweek Episode! –  What better way to fundraise than have naked college co-ed athletes pose naked in a calendar! What better way to eat a Pop-Tart than to slather all kinds of flavored BUTTER on it??? Or what better way to catch dog-walkers who don’t deposit their doggie-doo in disposals than to track them down using doggie-doo-DNA? Sounds stupid? Not so fast! And there’s more…  Teacher Claims Discrimination After His ‘Proud Zionist’ T-Shirt Banned, But BLM T-Shirts Allowed;  CNN Could Fire “Good Number” Of On-Air Talent, Staff In Major Shakeup;  A Study Found People Have Never Been More Afraid to Speak Their Mind/Things Everyone Is Too Scared to Say;  56% of Americans Believe Thanksgiving Is Ruined If There’s No Leftovers;  There’s a French Fry-Flavored Vodka…Thanks to Arby’s;  Guy Stole a Street Sweeper, Led Cops on a Low-Speed Chase, & Drove It into a River;  Prisoner Knocks Cellmate’s Teeth Out Because He Wouldn’t Stop Farting.  Plus more stupidity that’s spun from the past week’s newsmakers & the newest “Geniuses” in stupidy! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/support

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Biden Pops A Bean, A Marathon Runner With The Runs, & Dissecting Grandpa

Summary

The British love their biscuits with their tea…but President Biden gave Camilla Bowles a different kind of “biscuit” at the climate summit. A marathon runner with digestive issues was literally making runs to the potty. Plus, a family spotted their grandpa at a sideshow where he was the star of a dissection for an exclusive audience. “Pancho Guero”, my Insane FL Nephew, will also tell you what happens when a cobra bites your manparts while you’re sitting on the loo. And it’s ain’t pretty. There’s even more stupidity with these stupid-but-true tales:  A Woman Pulls a Shotgun on a 7-y/o Trick-or-Treater;  Thanksgiving-Flavored Ice Cream…Made with Real Pieces of Turkey;  Naked man found in walls of NY theater…He was trapped for days;  Thieves Pass Out from a Gas Leak They Started While Stealing a Furnace;  Man Who Was Missing for 24 Years Returns Home…to Stab His Brother;  There Are Job Listings for Remote Positions, Where the Boss Can Make “Unplanned Visits”;  A Guy Robs a Postal Worker at Gunpoint & Only Wanted Rubber Bands;  Drugs found stashed in Little Debbie box during AR traffic stop;  A 17-Lbs. Potato Named “Doug” May Have Set a New World Record;  Man Cuts Cables to Satellite Dishes, Knocking Out FL TV Stations;  A Guy Gave His Friend a Tattoo While Their Flight Was Landing;  The FL Man with FL Tattooed on His Face Is in Trouble Again;  Econo Lodge Guest Stabbed a Motel 6 Guest After Their Dogs Got into It;  Humans gave leprosy to armadillos–now they are giving it back to us;  Sleeping Naked Means A Better Night’s Rest/Top Reasons to Sleep Naked. Play along with “Pancho” this week with more of our “Insane Game Show”! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/support

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Bald Eagle Street Fighting, A Taser Combustion, & Bathing with Pets

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S3E26 – Midweek Bonus!! –  When police have to break up a street fight between 2 of our National Birds, it tells you a lot about the current state of this nation. When cops try to taser a trouble-maker that’s confronting them, they’re not expecting that person to burst into flames…but one did. We share a lot of our lives with our pets, but do you really want to share the tub with them? Some of you do. And that’s not all of the stupidity you’ll hear in this episode…  10 Everyday Stupid Things That Should Be Illegal;  Things That Are Universally Hated by Everyone on Earth;  Lots of Adorable Head-Tilting Might Mean Your Dog Is a Genius;  Break-Ups Are Harder on Men Than Women;  Judge Bans Elf on the Shelf in His County…as a Gift to “Tired Parents” Plus a round-up of all the week’s headlines that have been given a stupid spin as well as this week’s Genius Awards! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/support

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Kitchen Table Castration, A 20-Yr. Old Booger Bead, & A Man’s Suspicious “Package”

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First of all…what “real” man volunteers himself to be castrated? And even worse…what real man wants the deed done on a kitchen table? One woman had an epiphany when she threaded an ear wax camera up her nose & found a “jewel” of a discovery. And my Insane FL Nephew, “Pancho Guero” has an unbelievable story about a NY man that has a unique “honor” which “aroused” the suspicion of the TSA when going through airport security! And there’s even more stupidity in store from these 5-Star examples:  PETA Wants MLB to Change the “Bullpen” to the “Arm Barn”;  Ringling Bros. & Barnum & Bailey Circus Returns…without Animals;  MI Man w/Suspended License Dials Into Zoom Court Hearing While Driving;  IN City Tries Luring In New Residents with Stand-In Grandparenting Service;  A Drunk Driver Claimed His 4-y/o Son Was Behind the Wheel;  A Judge Granted Joint Custody…of a Dog;  High School Students Gave Teachers & The Principal Lap Dances at Homecoming “Man Pageant”;  School Bans Mom From Volunteering After Finding Her On “OnlyFans”;  Drunk Driver Tries to Set Up His Ice Fishing Shack on an Unfrozen Lake;  Court May Decide If There’s Enough Strawberries in a Strawberry Pop-Tart;  Rare ‘flesh-eating’ STD on the rise in UK, doctor warns;  Criminal in a Ricky Bobby Costume Tries to Flee on a Bike with 2 Flat Tires;  The Average American Spends More Than 6 Days a Year Washing Dishes;  VA woman sentenced for ‘staggering’ $32M coupon scam;  Is it normal to fart in yoga class? Play along with “Pancho” in our weekly “Insane Game Show” to guess if it’s a “Steakhouse or Gay Bar”, a “Porn Star or Weatherman”, & “Golf Course or Rehab”! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/support

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Dad/Son Shoot-Outs, Dad-Bod Tee-Shirts, & Touchy-Feelie Meta Robots

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S3E24 – Midweek Bonus!!  Plenty of daddy issues in this episode with shots fired over chicken & over guitar playing! And some daddy-body issues for guys who are hiding the battle of the bulge! And “Meta Mark” Zuckerberg wants to help machines learn all about the human experience of “touch & feel”… (???) Plus other truths that are stranger than fiction…like:  Creepy or Romantic? A Man Asked a Woman Out, After Getting Her Number from Her Dog’s Collar;  Does It Feel Like Some People Bring Out the Worst in You?;  A Patient Waited 7 Hours in the ER, Never Got Treated, & Still Owes $700;  A Pizza-Loving Car Burglar Was Caught “Marinara-Handed”;  Man dies during bull-running event in Spanish city of Onda;  Worst Sick Day Excuse Ever? A Guy Skipped Work Because He Didn’t Have Any Clean Socks. Plenty of news from the past week that will get the “Stupid Spin” & more stupendous stupidity that is christened with the “Genius Award”! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/support

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A Shrub That Gives You “The Finger”, Sexy Scottish Accents, & A Blooming Penis Plant

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If you really want to tick off your neighbors, a Brit have found the best way to do it. In the beginning, the LORD made the SCOTS just a “wee bit” better…and gave them the sexiest accent in the UK! You may be your family’s “flower child” as the “blooming idiot”, but my Insane FL Nephew, “Pancho Guero” found a blooming “penis plant” is what really smells to high heaven…REALLY! And there’s stupidity galore with these prime examples…  Americans Are Partly The Cause of America’s Supply Chain Crisis;  FL man will use $1M lottery winnings to upgrade to electric toothbrush;  Man Admits to Drunkenly Shutting Down KS Water System;  Museum’s TikTok Banned for Posting Nudes So They Launch an OnlyFans;  The Average Person Has Saved 252 Hours by Not Commuting During the Pandemic/Top Ways to be More Productive While Working from Home;  The Largest Candy Corn Factory Has Been Hacked;  CA school tells parents their kids must eat lunch in the rain due to COVID;  Bud Light Is Selling an Eggnog Hard Seltzer for the Holidays;  Mother-Of-2 Breastfeeds Her Fiancé Twice A Week;  A Burglar Fled into the Woods, Got Lost, & Had to Call 911 to Rescue Him;  Woman says man smashed her fence, window but police couldn’t charge him because he was ‘too drunk’;  A Guy Was Pulled Over for Driving While Playing a Flute With Both Hands;  Guy Finds Loophole in Amusement Park’s Annual Pass, Gets Free Meals Every Day for a Year;  Pop-Up Restaurant Karen’s Diner Opens With ‘Rude Staff & Poor Service’;  A Missing Hiker Didn’t Answer Their Phone, Because They Thought It Was a Scammer;  A Woman Threw Tacos at Her Mom’s Head & Got Arrested for Battery. Play along with “Pancho” in another round of the “Insane Game Show” to decide if it’s a “Porn Star or a Weatherman”, a “Steakhouse or a Gay Bar”, a “Golf Course or a Rehab”, & other surprises! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/support

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