Dino Belly Buttons, A Tasteless Tombstone, & “Super Gonorrhea”

Summary

Many churches have divided over depictions of Adam & Eve having belly buttons…but did DINOSAURS? Apparently. When you leave this earth, you typically leave behind an epitaph on your tombstone–unless you’re tasteless. Then you leave an epitaph that one family chose to leave on the tombstone of their loved one. If you think getting an STD is bad, you’ll be celibate as a monk when you hear what my Insane FL Nephew, “Pancho Guero”, has to tell you about one strain that’s nearly impossible to treat. And the stupidity continues….

  • I’m a teen & became a multi-millionaire with my lemonade business; 
  • Hypnosis Cured a Man of His $700-a-Month Pepsi Addiction; 
  • NH distillery turns invasive crabs into whiskey; 
  • Woman orders chair on Amazon—receives bonus vial of blood; 
  • British Cocaine Boss Busted by Cops Thanks to Conor McGregor Mural in His House; 
  • Bus driver says he didn’t know his gummy snacks included THC; 
  • NZ Stargazers Left ‘Freaking Out’ by Weird Blue Light Spirals in Night Sky; 
  • A Racoon Chased a Woman & Her Dog Into Her Home; 
  • A Map Shows Where Locals Can Find & Pick Wild Food for Free; 
  • Most Working Parents Are Experiencing “Burnout”; 
  • A Guy Led Cops on a High-Speed Chase Through a Golf Course; 
  • First Date “Icks” Bad Enough to Cancel a 2nd Date; 
  • A “Karen” Ruins Neighbor’s Outdoor Wedding w/Loud Weed Eater; 
  • KFC Invented a New Utensil: The “Finger Spork”; 
  • 47 cats found living in a car with their owner in MN; 
  • Internet Explorer Is Officially Dead at Age 26. 

There’s 2 more folks seeking the wisdom of my Insane FL Nephew when they “ASK PANCHO” about burning issues like “What Do You Do With Pets After A Break Up” & “How Do You Convince Someone To Go To Therapy Who Needs It But Doesn’t Want It”

Don’t forget about the weekly “Insane Game Show” where you can play along with “Pancho” & guess the best answers! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/support

Transcription

A Felonious Corpse Spitter, A “Le’Genius” Criminal, & A “Peeping Tom”-Cat Litterbox

Summary

S3E88 ~ Midweek BONUS Episode! – 

Instead of having people give eulogies at a loved one’s funeral, a woman chose to “hock a loogie” onto the corpse. The parents of one FL criminal obviously gave their son the WRONG name for his life choices. A graduation party for a 17-y/o student ended with a voyeur incident that was being videoed from a cat box in the bathroom. If these are stupid enough for you, there’s a whole lot more in this episode! 

  • The Average Parent Tells Their Kid “No” 23 Times a Day; 
  • Suspected Thief In AL Swims To Police After Kayak Capsized; 
  • 45% of People Say It’s Harder to Be a Dad Today Than Ever Before; 
  • Authorities seek owner of 300-pound mystery pig wandering in TN; 
  • Chinese State Media Deletes Post Saying They May Have Found Aliens; 
  • FL Man Intentionally Gets Pulled Over To Secretly Tell Cops He Was Being Kidnapped; 
  • FL man dressed as cow among several arrested in drug house bust. 

You’ll get up to speed with stupidity from the week’s current events in the “Insane Week in Review” as well as hear about 7 more “winners” in the weekly “Genius Awards“! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/support

Transcription

NZ Livestock Burp Tax, Putin’s “Poop Case”, & Grandma Got Run Over By An Elephant!

Summary

If you think you’re being taxed too much, you haven’t farmed in New Zealand where cow burps will cost you. Imagine being so paranoid that you have to carry your poop around so no one will find out you have a disease. My Insane FL Nephew, “Pancho Guero” will reveal that the Russian President lives like this all the time & has aids who have to clean up after him. Nothing like leaving this world with a big “send off”. An elephant with a grudge sent the corpse of a 70-y/o woman into the “wild blue yonder” at her funeral…after it trampled her to death earlier. Plus more tales of the stupid side… 

  • Burger King’s LGBTQ+ Whopper Ad Causes a Stir; 
  • A Guy Bought Insurance 26 Minutes After Crashing His Car; 
  • A Guy Got Attacked by an Alligator After Mistaking It for a Dog; 
  • Mystery Machine from ‘Scooby-Doo’ listed on Airbnb; 
  • Guy Gets Drunk, Stole His Boss’s Car, & Parked It on a Set of Train Tracks; 
  • Workers at an M&M Factory Had to Be Rescued from a Vat of Chocolate; 
  • Fish leather is here, it’s sustainable–& made from invasive species to boot; 
  • Man threatens to blow up downtown White Castle; 
  • Disorder in the court: Cockroaches released during hearing; 
  • Boston transit agency to try urine sensors on elevators; 
  • Coors Pulled a Bunch of Beer After People Were Getting Cans of “Slime”; 
  • People Think They’ve Spotted a Chupacabra Near a Zoo; 
  • A Delivery Driver Shot a Chick-fil-A Worker, Over a Missing Milkshake; 
  • Happy the elephant at Bronx Zoo is not a person, NY’s top court rules; 
  • Geico Must Pay a Woman $5.2 Million, After She Got an STD While Hooking Up in a Guy’s Car; 
  • Would You Release 100 Cockroaches in Your Home…for $2,000?

My Insane FL Nephew will also again respond to questions to life’s complex problems when 2 more people “ASK PANCHO” about encouraging their kids to go to a community college & what to do about your housemate who is obsessed with putting up security cameras THAT DON’T WORK.

There’s another round of the “Insane Game Show” so get ready to guess the answers as you play along with “Pancho”! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/support

Transcription

Human Meatball Math, Printed Skin for Sex Robots, & Potty Training at the Hardware Store

Summary

S3E86 ~ Midweek BONUS Episode! – 

A Reddit user solves a mathematical word problem that may gross you out. Sex robots may be able to get you off…but with AI printed skin, you may now be able to help a sex robot get off. One toddler wouldn’t get off a display toilet because he still “needed to finish” his job! And there’s more stupidity that needs to get finished for this Midweek Bonus Episode…

  • A Man Who Raps About Robbing ATMs Got Busted for Robbing an ATM; 
  • A Bike Rider in CA Was Chased Down the Road…By a Zebra; 
  • New Trend: “Healthy Coke”…or Balsamic Vinegar & Sparkling Water; 
  • A Guy Told a Cashier to Empty the Register, Then Stole a Sex Toy Instead; 
  • A Guy Paid with a Counterfeit Bill, Then Used the “Not My Pants” Excuse; 
  • Graffiti Artists Hit Yet Another National Park; 
  • A Poll for Father’s Day Looked at the Top Dad Habits/Gifts Dad REALLY Wants for Father’s Day. 

And get the week’s latest current events in the most stupid way possible in the “Insane Week in Review” as well as hear about the “real winners” with the weekly “Genius Awards”! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/support

Transcription

Cheesy Nail Polish, Missouri Cheese Cave, & FedEx Fellatio!

Summary

What’s the cheesiest thing a woman could do to her nails? Make ’em smell like Velveeta, of course! But what happens if you have too much cheese? You store it in caves…in “The Show Me State”. And If you need something delivered FAST, you call FedEx…which is EXACTLY what a FedEx truck driver did when his girlfriend “delivered” a mouth-watering gift to his lap. My Insane FL Nephew, “Pancho Guero” will wittingly describe what happened next. And you’ll find out other close encounters of the STUPID kind with these samples…

  • Some Restaurants Are Now Adding Fees to Your Check to Counter Inflation; 
  • ‘Washington Post’ Reporter Suspended 1 Month for Retweeting Sexist Joke; 
  • A Man Robbed a Bank…the Day After He Finished an 8-Yr.-Prison Sentence; 
  • NASA says it will investigate mysterious mounds on moon in Artemis mission; 
  • Guy Did $5 Million in Damage at Museum Because He Was “Mad at His Girl”; 
  • The Word That West Virginians Ask Google How to Spell Is…West Virginia
  • A Guy’s Angry Girlfriend Crashed a Mack Truck into Their Mobile Home; 
  • A Car Thief Was Released from Jail, & Was Arrested Again After Trying to Steal a Car in the Jail Parking Lot; 
  • Pigeon Steals the Show at Service for the Queen of England; 
  • An Inmate Broke Out & Tried to Steal a Little Girl’s Bike in Escape Attempt; 
  • The Future of Drive-Thru? 4 Dedicated Lanes…& Food Delivered by Elevator; 
  • Company dropping plans to equip drones with tasers; 
  • Woman Who Sold Her Farts in a Jar Is Now Selling Her Boob Sweat; 
  • A Man in FL Stole a Jet Ski, But He Didn’t Know How to Swim; 
  • Man found with trunk full of avocados arrested on suspicion of grand theft. 

There’s a couple more questions submitted from folks seeking the sage wisdom of my Insane FL Nephew, “Pancho Guero” (or whatever he’s calling himself this week…!) with topics like, “Help, My Grandkids Are Canceling Me!” & “Is It Weird To Have A GoFund Me To Send My Kid To A Good Preschool?” 

And more fun playing our “Insane Game Show” with “Pancho” to see if you can tell the difference between a “Steakhouse Or A Gay Bar”! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/eriklane/support

Transcription

Sexy Summer Dad-Bods, Barehanded Brooklyn Possum Pouncer, & A Boeing Boyfriend

S3E84 ~ Midweek BONUS Episode! – 

Once again I feel confident to strut onto a beach knowing my physique will drive women wild with my 2-liter abs. Dad-Bods are all the rage, but my guess is my pasty white skin may not be. A woman from Alaska was all the rage in a Brooklyn bar when she saved the customer from a savage attack by a …POSSUM. A woman is sexually attracted to & wants to marry her “boyfriend”…a Boeing 737…she’s named, “Dicki”. And there’s stuff more stupid than even this…

  • Coffee Drinkers Less Likely to Die Early Than Coffee Dodgers; 
  • Don Mattingly’s Son Crashed His Car Then Drove to the Dealership to Sell It; 
  • PA theme park ride strands riders upside-down; 
  • Officials at airport seize cocaine stashed in wheelchair; 
  • Someone Installed an Electrical Outlet…Into a Traffic Light Pole; 
  • The Next Supply Chain Shortage: Movie Theater Popcorn; 
  • No, you aren’t automatically saving money by working from home. Here’s how much it’s costing you. 

And more stupidity right from the latest current events with the “Insane Week In Review” as well as the brain-trusts that have earned a spot in the Stupid Hall of Fame & receive this week’s Genius Awards”!

A Naked BUTT in BUTTE, “Innovative” Beer…From PEE, & Sex-Induced Amnesia

There’s naked butts in Butte, MT & it all ended with a head-butting incident. You’ve probably said the beer you’re drinking “tastes like piss”. Now there’s beer MADE from piss. My Insane FL Nephew, “Pancho Guero” will tell you about an intense daytime romp a man had with his wife was soooo good he lost his mind–literally. And there’s even more 5-star stupidity ahead…

  • Mum In ‘Hysterics’ As 3-y/o Girl Gets Head Stuck In Toilet Seat; 
  • Some Stupid Idiot Points a Gun at a News Crew During a Live Report; 
  • A Viral Hack on TikToc to Keep Avocados Fresh Could Actually Kill You; 
  • An HR Quiz Claims Workers Would Rather Get a Ping-Pong Table Than a Raise; 
  • Walmart Is Issuing Citations for “Mistakes” Made During Self-Checkout; 
  • Flight attendant warns why you should never use toilet paper onboard; 
  • Guy Walks Into a Burger King & It Was Empty…Because No One Showed Up for Work; 
  • Dad Charged $4,290 After Son Smashed Huge Teletubby Statue That Scared Him; 
  • Principal Had to Take Care of 12 Horses All Day Because of Outdated Law; 
  • Let the Mona Lisa Eat Cake; 
  • Sonic workers flee from large snake found behind fryer; 
  • A Pizza Pop-Up Didn’t Realize Their Website URL Is Accidentally Vulgar; 
  • Milky Way has 4 ‘malicious’ alien civilizations that could attack Earth; 
  • Thieves rob Brooklyn church of $2M tabernacle, decapitate angel statue; 
  • KY doc Stephanie Russell allegedly hired a hitman to kill her ex—twice; 
  • How Do You Feel About Pickle-Flavored Mountain Dew?/Top Slogans for Pickle-Flavored Mountain Dew.

I’ll also “ASK PANCHO” a couple of questions submitted from folks seeking to tap his deep wisdom from some of life’s mysteries like, “I Don’t Want to Attend Anymore Potluck Dinners” & “Everyone Wants to Talk Politics But Me”. And you can play along with “Pancho” to see who guesses faster in the weekly round of the “Insane Game Show”!

A Hillbilly “Helicamper”, A Satanic Yoga Barbie, & Peeing on Peonies

S3E82 ~ Midweek BONUS Episode! – 

When the redneck camper is taken to a new level of “hillbilly”, you convert a helicopter into a “helicamper”. Bring on the “Church Lady” to warn unsuspecting children of a satanic possession if your Barbie doll does yoga. A $3 million “study” finds the best fertilizer for your peonies is “pee”. Did I mention it cost $3 million? Did I also mention there’s MORE stupidity? Can you handle it? 

  • Woman Finds Face Of Wizard Gandalf Hidden In Her Floorboards; 
  • Nabisco Is Selling an Oreo/Ritz Mash-Up/Food Mashups We Want to See Now That There Are Ritz-Oreos; 
  • Miller Lite Invented a Beer-Infused Charcoal Called “Beercoal”; 
  • A Guy Plowed His Car into a Newly Remodeled Dairy Queen at Full Speed; 
  • So Alec Baldwin Is Lecturing People on Workplace Safety Now; 
  • Raccoon Gets Stuck Head-First In CA Home’s Roof;
  • Angry McDonald’s customer BLOCKADES drive-thru for 2+ Hours over McMuffins.

The latest current events are stupidly spun in the weekly “Insane Week In Review” plus our collection of “brain trusts” who win the “Genius Awards”!

See Johnny Cash Pee, An Arby’s Manager Pee Perversion, & Cambodian Penis Plant Posing Problems

Sometimes things come in 3’s: So this episode features stupidity about peeing, penises, & perverts. My Insane FL Nephew, “Pancho Guero” tells a story that may cause you to re-think ordering a milkshake from a Vancouver, WA Arby’s. He’s also found a woman who has found the perfect lover…who’s her imaginary sexual “gratifier” & can perform better in bed than any “earthman”… You’ll find some strange gratification from some of the other stupidity that’s featured, too… 

  • Man Arrested for Ramming Into Ambulance Because It Was Going Slow; 
  • Johns Hopkins students invent edible tape to keep burritos together; 
  • A Woman Drove into Wet Cement While Running from the Cops; 
  • A Teenager Thought a Guy Had a Knife, but It Was Just an Old Flip Phone; 
  • Texas 2-Y/O Orders 31 McDonald’s Cheeseburgers On Mom’s Phone App; 
  • Woman Calls 911…& Twerked…When McDonald’s Got Her Order Wrong; 
  • Even Students Didn’t Like This Senior Prank; 
  • New Tool for Babies’ Health: a ‘Smart’ Pacifier; 
  • Amish Buggy Driver Charged with DUI After Crashing Into a Cop Car; 
  • One of the 1st Couples to Marry Over Zoom Has Divorced, & They Still Haven’t Met; 
  • 2 Men Arrested After Abandoning an Entire House in the Middle of Road; 
  • Guy Builds Air Horn to Blast When His Neighbor’s Dog Barks; 
  • Woman Attracted To Objects Starts Dream Family Of 9 After Marrying Zombie Doll Bride; 
  • Did a Fake Costco Tweet About Hot Dogs Tank Its Stock Price? 

“Pancho” loans out his vast knowledge to 2 more folks who need to “ASK PANCHO” about some of life’s biggest questions like “My Kids Hate Bathing” & “My Family Is Always Talking About How Much Money People Make”. Play along with “Pancho” again this week for another round of our “Insane Game Show” to see if you can answer faster than he can!

COVID Swab Swallow, “Pepsi-Roni”, & Driving on Poop Power

S3E80 ~ Midweek BONUS Episode! – 

It takes a special kind of stupid to swallow the swab you’re using to give yourself a COVID test. But they’re out there. And they’re on this episode. In the on-going stupidity of food mashups, now we have pepperoni that comes with the soft-drink included. As the US powers past using fossil fuels to power their vehicles, the French have a smelly solution. This and even more silly stupidity awaits… 

  • JetBlue makes hostile bid for Spirit Airlines after twice being rebuffed; 
  • Man Calls Police When a Truck He Stole 5 Days Earlier…Is Stolen Again; 
  • Cats Actually Know Each Other’s Names, Study Suggests; 
  • Should Companies Have to Offer Paid Menstrual Leave for Periods?; 
  • The Lady Who Fed Cheetos to Monkeys at the Zoo Insists She Did Nothing Wrong; 
  • The Lady Who Fed Cheetos to Monkeys at the Zoo Insists She Did Nothing Wrong; 
  • The Ringling Bros. Circus Is Returning Next Year…Without Animals. 

More insanity from the weekly current events are stupidly covered with the “Insane Week in Review” and more award-winning stupidity from this week’s entries for the “Genius Awards“!