Stealing Moby Dick Was A “Cakewalk”!

Summary

How much would you pay to have your phallic adult toy returned? A toy that was 40 pounds & 3 feet tall?? It may have been a cakewalk to shoplift it, but it’s no cakewalk to use the word, “cakewalk”…because it’s racist. So is, “master” & the phrase “sold down the river”…which is what will happen to you if you keep up with your vernacular. 

If you’re taking an online college exam while eating a meatball sandwich, does the prof have to let you take your test over again when a falling meatball drops out of your sandwich & hits the “ESC” key to log you out of your exam? Yep…it really happened.

More “Karens” in the news: Like the one who puddled in a Verizon store because she was told to “mask-up”.

Have you seen “Adult Swim” on the Cartoon Network? One woman managed to never see an episode in the 19 years it has been on the air…until now. And she’s offended.

Looking for a scholarship out of high school to be a “Devil’s Advocate”? You can get one in the amount of $500–from the Satanic Temple.

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If The Confederate Flag Is Racist, So Is The Southern Baptist Convention

Summary

The word, “racist” is being thrown around willy-nilly like it’s as contagious as COVID-19. The World Health Organization (WHO) is being petitioned by about 1,000 of its employees to declare racism as a health risk. I didn’t know it was ever classified as a DISEASE. And Confederate battle flags continue being pulled down & deemed as hate speech & racist. However, a former US Congressman from GA (and more famously known as “Cooter” from the Dukes of Hazard) is coming out saying all of this serves only to hurt everyone’s feelings. If the origins of the Confederate battle flag are deemed “racist” (irregardless of how an individual personally views it), then the same must be said about the origins of the Southern Baptist Convention. It was solely started over the demand that Christians could be slaveowners. It matters not that the largest Protestant denomination in the world put forth their mea culpa in the 1990s & are continuing to push for racial diversity. The denomination BEGAN out of racism & should be completely dismantled & rebuild on a new foundation. Sound stupid? IT IS!!!!

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Time To Cancel The “Cancel Culture” Crap?

Summary

It’s all fun & games until liberals start canceling each other. With more liberals getting a dose of the medicine they’ve dealt to conservatives for years, now the outcry is for canceling the Cancel Culture. A blog that American Spectator author, Avery Bower wrote about the backlash that brewing from an open letter signed by 150 authors & intellectuals from across the political spectrum.  Twitter users are busy trying to cancel the all-white country group, Lady A(ntebellum), for suing a Black soul singer named, Anita “Lady A” White…who has been using the nickname for over 2 decades …with NO TRADEMARK (something that the band, Lady A, obtained in 2011 with no opposition). Oh, and did I mention that Ms. White wants to be compensated for her non-trademarked nickname to the tune of $10 million??? We have more Karens in the news & a Kanye running for President. Let the stupidity begin!

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“Imagine” All The STUPID People

Summary

Makeup for men has finally gone mainstream.  But if it is too upsetting for you to come into work now that your boss is wearing concealer & tinted moisturizer, you can use that as an excuse to call in sick. Or you may get sick when you find your favorite pizza shop also keeps frozen iguana on hand. Have you said in the past 6 months that would’ve sounded STUPID back in 2019? Believe it or not, you probably have & didn’t realize it. Would John Lennon’s “Imagine” be a good NEW National Anthem? A lot of people signing a petition thinks so. And get ready for a new summertime treat: Homemade ice cream…with tasty recipes made from your favorite ketchup brand…? 

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Pancake Syrup Virtue Signaling

Summary

When is pancake syrup political? Grocery shopping will never be the same when you feel guilty buying Cream of Wheat & Eskimo Pies. Companies all across the fruited plain are in CYA mode as product mascots become WOKE. Phallic objects have become the preferred option for drug smuggling & yard ornaments. Cats have become a detriment for guys trying to couple with a mate & dogs have become a lightning rod for couples trying to live together. A block party in Philadelphia was so desperate for a pool, they rented a dumpster. And, we come off of a Father’s Day weekend looking at the dumbing-down of sitcom dads. My Insane Florida Nephew, from the Sunshine State, returns to converse about these & other salient stupidity prevailing in this stupid world.

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A First Father’s Day With My Insane FL Nephew

Summary

You may have heard the reference of “Florida Man” when there’s a story of some stupid stunt that’s pulled by some guy who lives in Florida. Well, I have what I’ll be referring to as my “Insane Florida Nephew”. And he’s celebrating his very first Father’s Day as a new father. He joins the podcast — in what may be a recurring feature — from his headquarters in Jacksonville.. We talk about being a dad & how that by age 37, we become our own fathers. Also I run by some weird Father’s Day gifts past my Insane FL Nephew to get his reaction on receiving any of them. 

Oh and there’s the other stupidity featured, too, such as wondering if Nickelodeon “outed” SpongeBob SquarePants for Pride Month. Or what HBO is calling itself these days. And Disney scrubbing Splash Mountain down to cleanse any filthy racist slime from the attraction’s theme…which is based on a banned 1946 Disney movie, “Song of the South”.

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Going Looney Tunes Over The Confederate Flag

Summary

Elmer Fudd has been turned into a DUD after HBO Max took away his gun. Will you soon be ordering your drinks at the bar from a robot bartender? Have you ever jammed a charging cord up your tallywhacker just for thills? Someone did. How will the COVID-19 pandemic affect Hollywood’s future sex scenes? They could go CGI. Cities like New York, L.A., and Minneapolis have floated the idea of replacing Cops with Social Workers who would respond to most disputes and defuse the tension. Online dating has led to “cushioning” & it’s nothing like “pillow talk”. And a West (by God) Virginia man tries to help his wife stage a fake death at an overlook. 

The stupidity never stops. Not even to go to the bathroom.

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If You Find Yourself In A Riot, Steal A Cheesecake

Summary

A woman who allegedly participated in the looting of a Cheesecake Factory during protests in Seattle became an unlikely internet sensation over the weekend. The woman was filmed by a local TV news station Saturday carrying what appeared to be an entire strawberry-topped cheesecake down the street, a block away from the Cheesecake Factory. Would you like it if strangers came into your house to tie you while you were in your underwear & then stroke your crotch with a broom handle? You wouldn’t if they were late for the appointment because the went to the wrong house. And some advice if you plan on taking a selfie in a bathroom while your spouse is on the can: Make sure you don’t capture them as they wipe. So grab a can of “Hop Dog” Beer & enjoy the show!

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Penguin Poop Makes This Podcast Funnier

Summary

You don’t need to tell scatological jokes to induce laughter — penguin scat will do that on its own. The flightless bird’s feces apparently produce an insane amount of laughing gas, which has reduced Antarctic researchers to hysterics. A classic high school prank got a makeover for the coronavirus era when Mississippi Gov. Tate Reeves. If the quarantine had you REALLY desperate for entertainment, there was this:  CBS actually ran a special called “Haircut Night in America”, that featured celebrities cutting their own hair.  (???)

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I Married A Martha, Not a Karen, or A Joan

Summary

Nosy neighbors who report you & your child to the police for playing Pokemon Go …then bake you a cake to apologize. Yep The neighbor’s name must have been “Karen”. Remember that old TV show from the 1950s called, I Married Joan? Well, I didn’t marry Joan–but I certainly didn’t marry a “Karen”. So for everyone who has been a victim of a “Karen”, I have an apology for you. One woman didn’t “go all Karen” on a Taco Bell employee… she went “all Cheetah” at the drive-thru window by throwing her POOP at the employees…. Can we get any more stupid than this?

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